I’m not very good at giving advice but I’ll just share some experiences and hopefully some of the lovely people here who always help and advise me can share their thoughts as well. The one thing I will say is NEVER risk your Islam for anyone.
I personally limit my exposure to those friends. I still love them and I’ve known them forever but hanging out with them regularly just doesn’t work when you try to uphold certain Islamic values and when they don’t pay any mind to your advising them. I just get really uncomfortable being around them often at this stage in my life. The 5 daily prayers is a shield against sin and shamelessness, so when we don’t pray we very easily slip into it and why shouldn’t we. The last time my old friends convinced me to come out with them, as soon as one of them picked me up and I got in the car he started rolling a joint which is something he knows I’m passionately against and he was probably trying to test my limits or something. I had to politely tell him to either put it away or I gotta get out of the car and he’s a good friend of mine so he just apologized. On another occasion one of my friends was going on about girls and getting high and again I politely asked him to change the subject and he replied jokingly “yeah sorry I didn’t pick the right path like you”.. And about a thousand other gestures that I don’t care to remember. Keep in mind these are GOOD friends of mine that I’ve known since I was a kid and would help me in an instant if I ever needed it, but one thing I’ve always noticed is that these people will test your limits not so much as an offense at you, but to pacify their own guilt and as a justification to see if I’d say anything or not. If I hadn’t spoken up, I know for a fact that it makes them more comfortable with what they do. People that don’t pray and worship Allah but do know better will always try this and I swear I’ve seen and heard about this countless times so I take it as a sign.
I haven’t cut them off and I still love and try to advise them, but if we ever do hang out I make sure its on my terms. I invite them to come out with me and my closer friends where I know we’re going to a halal restaurant or something, there’s a masjid nearby so they know we’re going to go catch the next prayer, and because they are surrounded by more people who pray and are trying to better themselves as Muslims, they’ll feel less inclined to bring up vain or lewd conversation alhamdulilah. With this I’ve noticed my old friends go in one of two directions. Either they’ll hang out with us more or its just not their scene and I don’t hear from them much after. I feel like this is important because they see you in a different setting and trying to uphold what you believe to be right as opposed to you going out with them where they’ll be doing their habitual thing with little consideration which is understandable. After a few years of this transition, some of my old friends are much more religious and are striving to be better and some I just don’t hear from and I’ll say salam to and ask how they are doing every once in a while.
When my friends didn’t pay any heed to what I had to say, we tried to maintain friendships but naturally we drifted apart and I’m thankful for that. When we’re out together now, its not a position I think anyone wants to be in when we’re relaxing on the weekend but I feel like I have to be much more responsible and outspoken and try to limit certain stuff when it comes up. If they think you’re being self righteous then so be it cause you know you’re not. Allah SWT will ask us why we put ourselves in trivial situations without enjoining the good, and honestly when it seems to be hopeless do whats best for your deen and make dua for them. One of the major regrets on the day that we’re judged is going to be “I wish I didn’t take that person as a friend”, and we’re going to be resurrected with the people we loved and the company that we kept. None of us are stronger than our setting and I’ve seen good Muslims crumble because of the company they stayed around. None of us are stronger than our environments. I personally tried to gauge the situation but if I felt that it was affecting my deen, I had to quickly make the decision that they are not as important to me as Allah is. If you don’t have religious friends, you will inshaAllah.. It’ll happen naturally and we just have to be patient and its always a good time to make Allah our best friend.
May he bless and make it easy for you and guide you and your friends and all of us and reward you for your advice and sincere intentions. Ameen
This is beautiful
I need to be alone for certain periods of time or I violate my own rhythm.
When people close to you think you’ve lost your mind it probably means you’re doing something right. Alhumdulilah
Allah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow [their] passions want you to digress [into] a great deviation. And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak.
Unreal how Allah speaks directly to you when something is on your mind.. Or if you’re looking for Him. He’s always with us.